So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
