you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
