my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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