"it" just moved
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
