he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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