I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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