If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
