.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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