Whats the glycemic index on semen?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
