My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You made out with two different species that night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
