considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
