why didn't you poke me back
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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