I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
