I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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