Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
