we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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