I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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