Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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