i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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