yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
