Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
