I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
