Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
