I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My life is pants optional.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
