I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
