drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
