I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
