She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
