there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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