every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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