i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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