Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
