I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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