I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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