a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
