and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
