you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
