Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When did angry sex become our thing?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
