I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
