hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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