Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
