apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
