Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
