Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
