There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
