My nipple is on Facebook.
I've blown a few things in my day
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
