Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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