you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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