Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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