Kiss
Puke
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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