No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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