and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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