We're facebook friends in real life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
