CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
