It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
