i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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