well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
