New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize