yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
