she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
