Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
