saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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