Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
