to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
