ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
