her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
