I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize