I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
