Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize