after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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