I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
