I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize