need another drink. this is the easiest way
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
