Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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